My emotions have taken over. The past week has been difficult. We should have been marveling over a beautiful 9 month old boy last week. I'm sure that was the start of my emotional roller coaster. I've been more irritable, crying more easily, I've cared less about, well, anything. I've gotten overly emotional about stupid things.
Over that past 9 months I've had moments when I've thought perhaps I do have depression. Like the kind that is diagnosed. I have told myself that because it doesn't interfere with my daily life, that I don't meet the criteria. Maybe I should check my DSM again. I'm meeting with our church's counseling pastor tomorrow. I think that being a trained clinical social worker, I know when to stop sharing my feelings or down play them so as to not cause worry. Pray that I will be brave enough to reveal my honest feelings and not present a brave "healthy" front. I'm good at that.
Why do I care if I were labeled with depression? After all, I am living out most people's worst nightmare. What does it really matter?
added: I met with our pastor today. It was very good. I feel certain that I am moving toward health and am tackling what is coming at me. I think the depression days come and go and that is to be expected. Yesterday was a down day, today is better. The girls have a book by Kevin Henkes called Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse, in the book the teacher says to Lilly, "today was a tough day, tomorrow will be better." I am living out that statement!
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1 comment:
oh nay- i am so sorry i have not been paying more attention to your blog- what can i do? i hope you know you can always call me- day or night to vent or just cry. you can be honest with me- always!
yes lilly has good advice for sure.
melynda
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