Prayer

I'm leading a bible study on prayer. I think I may not be the best person to do this since I'm a bit cynical about prayer right now. I know in my heart of hearts that God answers prayer. I know that he only does the best for us. BUT, I did pray for my son. I prayed like crazy. Lots and lots of people prayed. I was anointed with oil while in the ICU and God did not answer my prayer. I asked him to protect my son and allow us to have a healthy child. So when I lead a study on prayer I feel a bit odd.

I did share this with the women in the group. I think they understand and will pray with me trough this. Interesting that the only real way to have my heart healed by the great creator is to pray, yet, sometimes I don't want to pray. I think to myself, I did that and it didn't work. Why do it again? God doesn't hear me.

So, I have to tell myself that God does hear me. He hears my cries and will answer me. The Bible promises me that over and over. He will heal my heart and restore our relationship. But when?

In 1 Samuel, I believe it is, King David has closed himself away with worry and grief over the illness of his infant son. When he hears that his son (with Bathsheba) died, he gets up and basically goes back to work (this is the Naomi paraphrase, it's much better in the actual book). He says something to the affect of, I will not be with him here, but will see him there. Meaning heaven of course. I think of this often and am hopeful of the day when, not only do I meet Jesus but also will hold or see my son. I wish we could have gotten Bathsheba's viewpoint on this one. Oh well, another question for when I get to heaven. Ohh, maybe I can get Francine Rivers to write a fictional novel, maybe she already has!