As Christmas approaches, I have become increasingly aware of the missing stocking in my home. We have huge stockings that my mom made for us. I love them. Each of them are slightly different, yet coordinate perfectly. Our names are sewn on in large block letters that my mom hand cut out of fabric. Our middle daughter, Adriann, has a longer name than the rest of us. My mother had to scale down each letter in her name to make it fit. When she gave us the stockings she jokingly said that names can't be as Adriann's anymore! Well, funny thing, Jonathan is longer! So when we decided on Jonathan for our baby I really did think, 'Oh no, it won't fit on the stocking!' All this to say that I have an association with the stockings and Jonathan. Every time I look at them I think, I'm missing one. Same with car seats, each time I look in my rear view mirror, I think 'I'm missing a car seat and kid.'
I recently attended an empty chair service at a church near me. I don't attend this church regularly, but a friend recommended the service to me. Tim wasn't able to attend that night, so my friend Michele came with me. It was very nice, we sang Christmas songs in a mellow mood and the opening prayer was very appropriate. Than their lead pastor spoke. He started out with letting us know that the space is usually used by the youth group, but that they graciously gave up the space so the service could be held. I thought that was odd to start with. This service isn't about them, it's about those grieving. Then the pastor began to share about how God cries with us and how Jesus felt pain too. It was good.
However, after that, I started to lose touch. He spent a good deal of time talking about how we have memories of our loved one to cherish. Yes, true, when we lose someone who has lived with us on this earth we have memories. I can appreciate that the focus of the service was on those who lost someone who had lived on this earth. But he never, acknowledged that maybe there was someone who didn't have those memories. That's all he would have needed to say. Simply acknowledge the loss. As it was, the grief of a parent who has lost an infant, was not a part of that service.
The closing part of his talk was a candle lighting service where there were 4 candles, one for the loved one, one for the memories, one for the grief experienced, and one for hope. During this person he began to speak as though he were talking to the person that died. I really disconnected here. I don't get that. I do get it from a personal viewpoint, in that I'm sure that after having been married to someone for many many years you might "talk" to them after they have gone to be with Jesus. So, I guess, I mostly found it odd, that he was corporately talking to the deceased.
My friend I and left the service with a kind, oh well, that was not what we thought kind of feeling. I guess I was expecting to cry, I did that. But I was also expecting some sense of comfort and peace. But that service wasn't designed for me.
I will hold on to the hope that I will experience the Joy and Peace that God has for me.
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